life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
