maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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