all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
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He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Everclear isn't food dammit
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The ass gains better be worth it
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