I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
