i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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