Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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