I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We have started to decorate penises.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
