We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Never let your siblings swipe right.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
