I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
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