Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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