i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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