Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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