She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
