Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So much Jack, so little girl.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
