matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
