based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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