Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
