I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
