Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
