he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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