thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Boobs speak an international language.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
