he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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