DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
