I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
