Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
