i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
