never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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