I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
