thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
