I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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