the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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