you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
