you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
