I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
