The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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