just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
