i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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