It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
