im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
