Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
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Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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