turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
