So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You can't special order awesome
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
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I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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