Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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