My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
