Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
