my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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