Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
