did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
