dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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