party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Terrible idea I love it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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