I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
