does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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