So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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