I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is my gift to your gina
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
