can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
