Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
