He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Still dying that you shit outside
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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