college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
