So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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