Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
