There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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