you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
