While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
