Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
