areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
