Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
where does the pee come out of this thing
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
