i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
