Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
