I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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