Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
