she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can't talk, ducks in the car
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
