what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
